Newborn Won’t Sleep Unless You’re Holding Them? Here’s a Realistic Plan

Every baby is different when it comes to nap time, and when you’re dealing with a newborn, regardless of prior experience or not, tackling the exhaustion along with timing naps can be a real challenge. Throw in some kids you already have, and it can often feel like you’re battling a never-ending mountain of change.

There’s a lot of exhaustion that comes from having a newborn, especially those contact naps that end up feeling like a never-ending cycle in which you feel you’ll never be able to sit on your couch, on your own, again.

The fourth trimester is something that’s not often talked about because there’s usually only a focus on three trimesters, which all happen during pregnancy. The last trimester is the weeks after having your baby. Babies crave closeness after spending so long in the comfort of your womb, so it’s only natural that they want to remain close.

If your newborn only sleeps when held, here’s a realistic plan of action to move forward with.

1. Optimize the landing pad

You won’t typically realize it for yourself, but one of the reasons why they enjoy sleeping in your arms is due to the warmth you provide. If you’re putting them down on a cold sheet in a Moses basket, for example, they may not enjoy that sensation, especially as they’re still regulating their temperature.

Using a heating pad or water bottle in the bed before laying them down will help to mimic body heat. 

You may also find it useful to sleep with the bassinet sheet for a night or two so that the sheet itself smells like you. For the baby, that scent is something they’ll feel connected to and more at ease when trying to fall asleep on their own.

A lot of parents tend to swaddle their baby in order to prevent the startle reflex that can often ruin the transfer to the bassinet, or wake them up whilst they’re asleep.

2. The transfer technique

Next comes the technique of transferring your baby to the bassinet. A lot of parents swear by the 20-minute rule, which is where you wait for them to fall into the phase of deep sleep before attempting to move them from your arms.

There’s a method to putting them down that tends to work more than not. This is where you pop them down feet first, then followed by the bum, and finally the head. It helps them avoid that feeling of falling, which often wakes them up as a result.

After you’ve put them down, you’ll want to follow this movement with a hand on their chest. Keeping that physical pressure on the baby for around two to three minutes after the transfer helps to ease the transition. This can also be helpful to do when they’re reacting to the put-down initially.

3. Practice where you can to help improve

Part of the successful transition from your arms to the cot will happen over time, but practice makes perfect.

The first nap is usually the easiest time to practice independent sleep. It’s helpful to put down your little one when they’re perhaps somewhat drowsy but still awake. While it might not work all the time, putting them down while they’re still awake can help with improving their ability to self-soothe.

It also helps to reduce the time you’re spending trying to get them off to sleep in your arms, too. That way, you have more time to spend on doing things that you want to do when the baby is asleep, like sleeping yourself.

Try to set low expectations when it comes to independent sleeping because not every baby is going to be able to sleep for hours on their own to begin with.

4. The ‘Layering’ method

The layering method is all about everything you do to help maximize the opportunity of getting them down successfully.

Sleep associations are a good way to help improve the surroundings they’re sleeping in to help improve the length of their sleep. Consider using white noise and have them in a dark room while holding them.

It helps to have those cues there so that when you eventually put them down, the room conditions remain. Try to substitute the holding cue with a patting or shushing one while they’re in the crib.

5. Troubleshooting and having a realistic mindset

Of course, not everything is smooth sailing when you’re trying to get a newborn off to sleep on their own. That’s why it’s important to know when to tap out if things are going the way they should.

If a nap is a fail, then just doing a contact nap is ideal for avoiding an overtired baby. It’s also important to think about the safety of your baby and make sure the space is a sleep safe one. Even if you’re desperate to get them down and out of your arms, their sleep surroundings must be safe at all times.

While some may not be fortunate enough to have a partner available, most will, and so it’s beneficial to lean on your partner for support as and when necessary. Learning how to tag-team the transfer so one person isn’t dealing with all the physical burden 24/7 is helpful.

6. You won’t always get it right, so be gracious with yourself

When it comes to encouraging a newborn to sleep on their own, especially if used to contact naps, it can prove challenging. The encouragement is that this phase is only temporary. While it might seem to go on forever, it’s not going to last forever.

Try to celebrate the small wins the first time they stay down on their own for 10 minutes. It’s also beneficial to know that by giving them contact naps, you’re not spoiling them. 

All parents and babies will move at their own pace, so it’s important to take everything at a pace that is comfortable for both you and the baby. No matter how long it might take to get them to nap on their own.